Art by Allysia

This morning started with a choice.

Work out or draw.

I stepped on the scale first. The number didn’t surprise me. I had a pretty epic binge this weekend, and if I’m being honest, my motivation around my health has been low lately. Instead of heading for the treadmill, I chose the couch and my sketchbook.

Art felt easier than accountability.

I set up my little creation station. The foldable table, lights, phone camera, everything ready to capture another piece for my 100 Portrait Challenge. I settled in, dogs piled on top of me, perfectly cozy and completely committed.

Then I realized my drawing pencils were in the bag….over there.

And over there was too far.

So I decided to work with what I had within arm’s reach. A set of charcoal pencils. Perfect. A creative pivot.

I grabbed my iPad to find a reference image.

Dead.

Of course it was.

No problem. Another pivot. I would draw from imagination.

I sharpened my charcoal and started with a Loomis head. The structure went down fine. Then I began shading.

And that’s when the energy just wasn’t there.

The charcoal kept breaking. The sharpener jammed. Charcoal dust everywhere. The drawing landed in that frustrating space artists know all too well.

Not terrible.
Not good.
Just okay.

And honestly, I couldn’t push it any further.

Some days you’re in the flow.
Some days everything clicks.
And some days, no matter how much you try, the work just doesn’t come alive.

Today was a just okay day.

And I realized something uncomfortable. My mindset showed up in my work.

Lately, I haven’t been feeling great about myself. When I feel good physically, I show up differently. I have more energy, more confidence, more creative drive. But recently I’ve felt sluggish, discouraged, and a little disconnected from my goals.

I also haven’t been oil painting like I promised myself I would.

That thought hit harder than the charcoal ever could.

Right now, I feel like I’ve been going through the motions instead of moving forward.

So today’s drawing won’t be shared.

Not because it’s terrible (thats part of it) , but because it doesn’t represent where I want to be.

But here’s the part I want to be honest about.

Being an artist isn’t all inspiration and pretty time-lapse videos.

There’s frustration.
There’s self-doubt.
There’s cussing, erasing, starting over, and sometimes wanting to tear the paper in half.

There’s pressure, especially when you feel like you should always be producing, always improving, always showing something.

Some days, you don’t have it.

And that’s part of the process too.

So today isn’t a showcase day.

Today is a reset day.

I’m going to get on the treadmill after work. I’m going to take care of myself. Because I know this about me.

When I feel good, I create better.
When I take care of my body, my creativity follows.

This isn’t the end of the story.

It’s just a just okay chapter.

And tomorrow, I’ll show up again.

Because that’s what artists do.

We keep showing up, even on the days no one sees.